You want to focus on relaxing and succumbing.

A word about the perineum (the area between the rectum and the scrotum) This area is very sensitive. You can dance your fingers around here quite bit. It is meant to be laden with a lot of acupressure points that respond to really light, delicate, soft touch. Not the kind of points that you would press hard, but slightly dance around. You can alternate as you are playing with him—as you are inserting your finger, you are also using your hand on his cock. You can bring this same (cock hand) back and dance around the perineum. Massage his balls at the same time. As well, massage all over the pelvic area like his stomach, his lower stomach. Just keep stimulating and opening as you go. The number one rule is to make sure that you are keeping him excited with a very hard cock. For the man You want to focus on relaxing and succumbing. It is a paradox that we think of relaxation as a passive activity, but it is not. It is active. You have to actively work at opening, relaxing, opening your sphincter as you feel your partnerʼs fingers starting to prod you. Learn more at and

Check in within yourself. “Am I tight? Am I clenched? Am I open?” And then you open another layer ,and you open another layer. This is the golden zone of anal play—the exercise of opening yourself in that way. That is what really frees you up. But on a strictly physical level, this is going to free you up so that a finger can be inserted into your anus. Generously apply lubricant to the finger and then start at the edge of the rectum. Even then you can still dance around. I like to use the side of my hand to just rub between the buttocks; rub right along the opening to the anus and get him excited. Get him knowing what is coming. You can even massage in that area with your finger before you start going inside. Make sure that you are keeping him excited and aroused. You can lean your body into him so that your breasts brush against his side and his back, so that you are keeping the level of arousal very high. Look at his erection as a barometer for how excited he is feeling. If he is turned on and enjoying it, his erection is going to stay hard or get even harder. If he is feeling nervous or anxious, he is likely to go flaccid very quickly. Back to the woman You are stroking his cock with your one hand and you are putting your finger inside the rectum with the other. My whole middle finger (which is about 2.5 or 3 inches long) can be inserted before I will hit someoneʼs prostate. I will palpate it with the pad of my finger. That is how you want to be stimulating—with the pad of your finger. Once you get through the tight area where you go inside the rectum, you hit this cavernous, open space where it feels like the tip of your finger is floating in space. Then you start to look for the prostate. You will slide your finger down a little bit and then up and the prostate ought to be right there. Search for something that you are going to be able to land your finger on. Learn more at

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